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6. Marriage and Divorce
Marriage is one of the eternal laws of God. Its purpose is to assist the married couple in their spiritual growth and to ensure proper care of children.
Marriage is a serious commitment which requires that a
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couple considering marriage investigate each other’s character thoroughly. The couple’s intentions should be love, unity, friendship, and respect. Their marriage must be based on both spiritual and physical bonds. Sometimes marriages are based on physical bonds alone. This type of union is only temporary, and separation will eventually occur. Permanent and everlasting union between husband and wife is based on spiritual and physical harmony in all areas of thought and life. When this type of union is the foundation of a marriage, the couple will be able to help each other in their spiritual growth and remain together in all the worlds of God.
After a couple have decided they would like to marry, they must receive the consent of all living parents. Unity is the main goal of the Baha’i Faith. Therefore, it is necessary to have unity in families. Marriage is not only the union of two people but the union of two families as well. Since the family is the basic building block of society, maintaining family unity by getting the consent of all parents to a marriage is as important as
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choosing a marriage partner who shares one’s “‘conceptions of life."
A Baha'i marriage ceremony is required of all Baha’is, even if one marries a non-Baha’i. Non-Baha’i couples, in most
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states, may also have Baha’i weddings if they follow all Baha’i marriage laws. The ceremony is simple and varies in style from culture to culture. In every Baha’i wedding the bride and groom must say the marriage vow, ‘‘We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God,’’ in the presence of two witnesses approved by the Local Spiritual Assembly. This vow is a reminder that marriage is more than an agreement between two people. When people marry, they establish a joint relationship with God which is their point of unity and the basis of their values. In addition to this vow the couple may add any prayers, readings, or forms of music which they find meaningful and which contribute to the joyous, spiritual atmosphere.
The Local Spiritual Assembly is responsible for seeing that Baha'i marriage laws are obeyed. It receives the consent of the parents, and witnesses acting on its behalf hear the marriage vows recited. The Spiritual Assembly is also available for counseling and consultation both before and during a marriage if the partners feel the need to seek its guidance.
Sometimes serious problems arise in a marriage. To over- come these problems (which may be caused by selfishness or immaturity) a wife and husband should pray, turn to the Writ- ings, and have frank discussions. If the situation does not improve, they can seek help and guidance from the Local Spiritual Assembly.
Occasionally even if a husband and wife both work hard to build a good marriage, they begin to dislike one another so much that it may be harmful for them to stay together. Divorce is strongly discouraged in the Baha’i Faith, but it is permitted as a last resort when all means of reconciliation have failed. Baha’u’Ilah has established ways to make sure this serious step is taken in the right spirit. The couple must go to the Assembly and say they want to separate. The Spiritual Assembly will set a date for the beginning of the year of patience. During that year the couple live apart but try to rebuild the marriage. If this proves impossible, they will be granted a Baha'i divorce by the Spiritual Assembly after the year of patience ends and after the civil divorce is granted.
Divorce is a very serious matter. The foundation of the Kingdom of God is harmony, love, and union not differences, especially between husband and wife. If either partner has been the cause of the divorce, ‘Abdu’l-Baha says he will have great difficulties and feel deep regret. If, however, both partners have sincerely tried to seek unity and have proceeded in obedience to the principles and spirit of Baha’i law, no stigma can be at- tached to them. Divorced Baha’is are free to remarry.
