| ←Previous | Divorce , compiled by Universal House of Justice |
FROM LETTERS WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF SHOGHI EFFENDI
“On behalf of the Guardian I wish to acknowledge the receipt of your letter dated December 15th, and to express his sorrow at the disharmony existing between you and your husband. He is the more grieved to learn that the situation has reached such a state as to compel you to ask for separation from Mr... . — a step which, though legally valid from the standpoint of the Cause, is nevertheless most sad and painful to you and to those concerned.
“The Guardian, however, appreciates the fact that, in conformity with the Teachings, you have laid the matter before the local spiritual assembly. He sincerely hopes that under the guidance of that body, and through your own efforts as well, conditions between you and your husband will gradually improve, and that you will not feel it necessary to ask for divorce after the one year period of separation has been terminated.
“He is fervently entreating Bahá’u’lláh that He may guide
you and Mr. . . . in solving this most delicate problem of your
life, and that the solution reached may be such as to bring
peace and satisfaction to your heart, and thus bring happiness
to you, and also protection to the Cause whose interests[Page 8]
you have so devotedly served for many years.”
“Regarding the Bahá’í teachings on divorce. While the
latter has been made permissible by Bahá’u’lláh yet He has
strongly discouraged its practice, for if not checked and
seriously controlled it leads gradually to the disruption of
family life and to the disintegration of society.”
“Regarding divorce the Guardian stated that it is discouraged,
deprecated and against the good pleasure of
God. The Assembly must circulate among the friends whatever
has been revealed from the Pen of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá in this
connection so that all may be fully reminded. Divorce is
conditional upon the approval and permission of the Spiritual
Assembly. The members of the Assembly must in such
matters independently and carefully study and investigate
each case. If there should be valid grounds for divorce and
it is found that reconciliation is utterly impossible, that antipathy
is intense and its removal is not possible, then the
Assembly may approve the divorce.”
“While he wishes me to assure you that he will pray for
the solution of your domestic troubles, he would urge you
to endeavour, by every means in your power, to compose
your differences, and not to allow them to reach such proportions
as to lead to your complete and final separation
from your husband.
“For while, according to the Bahá’í law, divorce is permissible, yet it is highly discouraged, and should be resorted to only when every effort to prevent it has proved to be vain and ineffective.
“It is for you, and for Mr. .. . as well, to ponder carefully
over the spiritual implications which any act of divorce on
either part would involve, and strengthened by the power of[Page 9]
faith and confident in the blessings which strict adherence to
the principles and laws of Bahá’u’lláh is bound to confer
upon every one of His faithful followers, to make a fresh
resolve to solve your common difficulties and to restore the
harmony, peace and happiness of your family life.”
“The situation facing you is admittedly difficult and delicate,
but no less grave and indeed vital are the responsibilities
which it entails and which, as a faithful and loyal believer,
you should conscientiously and thoroughly assume. The
Guardian, therefore, while fully alive to the special circumstances
of your case, and however profound his sympathy
may be for you in this challenging issue with which you are
so sadly faced, cannot, in view of the emphatic injunctions
contained in the Teachings, either sanction your demand to
contract a second marriage while your first wife is still alive
and is united with you in the sacred bonds of matrimony, or
even suggest or approve that you divorce her just in order to
be permitted to marry a new one.
“For the Bahá’í Teachings do not only preclude the possibility of bigamy, but also, while permitting divorce, consider it a reprehensible act, which should be resorted to only in exceptional circumstances, and when grave issues are involved, transcending such . . . considerations as physical attraction or sexual compatibility and harmony. The Institution of marriage, as established by Bahá’u’lláh, while giving due importance to the physical aspect of marital union considers it as subordinate to the moral and spiritual purposes and functions with which it has been invested by an all-wise and loving Providence. Only when these different values are given each their due importance, and only on the basis of the subordination of the physical to the moral, and the carnal to the spiritual can such excesses and laxity in marital relations as our decadent age is so sadly witnessing be avoided, and family life be restored to its original purity, and fulfil the true function for which it has been instituted by God.
[Page 10]
“The Guardian will most fervently pray that, inspired and
guided by such divine standard, and strengthened by Bahá’u’lláh’s
unfailing assistance and confirmations, you may be able
to satisfactorily adjust your relations with the persons concerned,
and thus reach the one right solution to this assuredly
challenging problem of your life.”
(From a letter dated 8 May 1939, written on behalf of the Guardian to a believer who, having married his first wife out of compassion, now wished to be permitted to marry a woman with whom he had fallen in love, saying that his wife was agreeable to his taking this second wife.)
“As regards the action you contemplate in seeking divorce
from him. He leaves the final decision in this matter to you
and your husband, though of course, from the standpoint of
the Cause, he thinks it preferable for you both not to resort
to such drastic action, unless it is absolutely unavoidable.”
“Marriage is, in the Aqdas, set forth as a most sacred and
binding tie, and the Bahá’ís should realise that divorce is
viewed as a last resort, to be avoided at all costs if possible
and not to be lightly granted.”
“Marriage is viewed by Bahá’u’lláh as a very sacred tie
which should under no circumstances be severed unless the
reasons are very grave. He hopes and will pray that you and
your wife, as believers, will reconsider this matter and do
your utmost to live together in the service of the Cause you
both love so dearly.”
“He was very sorry to hear that you and your husband are
still so unhappy together. It is always a source of sorrow in
life when married people cannot get on well together, but
the Guardian feels that you and your husband, in contemplating
divorce, should think of the future of your children
and how this major step on your part will influence their[Page 11]
lives and happiness.
“If you feel the need of advice and consultation he suggests you consult your local Assembly; your fellow Bahá’ís will surely do all they can to counsel and help you, protect your interests and those of the Cause.”
“Shoghi Effendi wishes me to add this note in connection
with your marriage; he does not feel that any believer, under
any circumstances whatsoever, can ever use the Cause or service
to it as a reason for abandoning their marriage; divorce,
as we know, is very strongly condemned by Bahá’u’lláh,
and only grounds of extreme gravity justify it.”
“As Bahá’u’lláh was so very much against divorce (even
though He permits it) and considered marriage a most sacred
responsibility, believers should do everything in their power
to preserve the marriages they have contracted, and to make
of them exemplary unions, governed by the noblest
motives.”
Bahá’u’lláh has clearly stated the consent of all living
parents is required for a Baha’i marriage. This applies
whether the parents are Bahá’ís or non-Bahá’ís divorced for
years or not. This great law He has laid down to strengthen
the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place
a certain gratitude and respect in the hearts of children for
those who have given them life and sent their souls out on
the eternal journey towards their Creator. We Bahá’ís must
realise that in present-day society the exact opposite process
is taking place: young people care less and less for their parents’
wishes, divorce is considered a natural right, and obtained
on the flimsiest and most unwarrantable and shabby
pretexts. People separated from each other, especially if one
of them has had full custody of the children, are only too[Page 12]
willing to belittle the importance of the partner in marriage
also responsible as a parent for bringing those children into
this world. The Bahá’ís must, through rigid adherence to the
Bahá’í laws and teachings, combat these corrosive forces
which are so rapidly destroying home life and the beauty of
family relationships, and tearing down the moral structure of
society.”
“He wishes me to tell you that he regrets extremely the
sorrow that has come into your life, and that he agrees with
all you have stated in general on the subject of divorce.
“There is no doubt about it that the believers in America, probably unconsciously influenced by the extremely lax morals prevalent and the flippant attitude towards divorce which seems to be increasingly prevailing, do not take divorce seriously enough and do not seem to grasp the fact that although Bahá’u’lláh has permitted it, He has only permitted it as a last resort and strongly condemns it.
“The presence of children, as a factor in divorce, cannot be ignored, for surely it places an even greater weight of moral responsibility on the man and wife in considering such a step. Divorce under such circumstances no longer just concerns them and their desires and feelings but also concerns the children’s entire future and their own attitude towards marriage.”
“Divorce should be avoided most strictly by the believers,
and only under rare and urgent circumstances be resorted to.
Modern society is criminally lax as to the sacred nature of
marriage, and the believers must combat this trend
assiduously.”
[Page 13]
“He will pray for your husband and son and your
daughter-in-law, that, through drawing near to Bahá’u’lláh,
they may be united and uplifted into a happier and more
harmonious atmosphere, for the Cause can heal friction if
people will let it and make the effort themselves as well.”
“He was very sorry to hear that you are contemplating
separation from your husband. As you no doubt know,
Bahá’u’lláh considers the marriage bond very sacred; and only
under very exceptional and unbearable circumstances
is divorce advisable for Bahá’ís.
“The Guardian does not tell you that you must not divorce your husband; but he does urge you to consider prayerfully, not only because you are a believer and anxious to obey the laws of God, but also for the sake of the happiness of your children, whether it is not possible for you to rise above the limitations you have felt in your marriage hitherto, and make a go of it together.
“We often feel that our happiness lies in a certain direction; and yet, if we have to pay too heavy a price for it in the end we may discover that we have not really purchased either freedom or happiness, but just some new situation of frustration and disillusion.”
“As regards the problem of your marriage, you are free to
refer this to the National Spiritual Assembly. As both you
and your wife know, however, Bahá’u’lláh was not in favour
of divorce, and the friends should make every effort to avoid
bringing it about. If it is absolutely impossible, they then are
free to divorce, but they should bear in mind the will of God
in such matters.”
[Page 14]
“He has been very sorry to hear that your marriage seems
to have failed utterly. I need not tell you as a Bahá’í that
every effort should be made by any Bahá’í to salvage their
marriage for the sake of God, rather than for their own sake.
In the case of pioneers, it is even more important, because
they are before the public eye. However, in such matters it
is neither befitting nor right that the Guardian should bring
pressure on individuals. He can only appeal to you and . . .
to try again; but if you cannot rise to this test, that is naturally
a personal matter.”
“Wherever there is a Bahá’í family, those concerned
should by all means do all they can to preserve it, because
divorce is strongly condemned in the Teachings, whereas
harmony, unity and love are held up as the highest ideals
in human relationships. This must always apply to the
Bahá’ís, whether they are serving in the pioneering field or
not.”
