Tending the Garden/The beautiful process of detaching

THE BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING

IN her final years, Rosemary maintained her routine of visiting, nurturing friendships, being helpful whenever she could, and of course, letter-writing. She also kept working on the photographs and documents of the early history of the Faith in Montreal, verifying information, collecting and organizing the material. This project begun in the early 1970’s, was nearing completion. It was indeed a labor of love.

Two close Bahd’i friends, twin sisters, had retired to Guadalajara. They were Elizabeth (Kidder) Ober and Alice Kidder, both retired osteopathic doctors. They had lived in South Africa as pioneers. Elizabeth had married Harlan Ober after the death of his first wife Grace Robarts. John Robarts and family maintained a close relationship with Elizabeth and Alice, due to the connection to John’s aunt, Grace. In her letters, Rosemary describes the move of the twin sisters into a nursing home, and the visit of the Robarts family. She refers to “the beautiful process of detaching”. It is a process we all go through; indeed from the moment we are born. It is with age that some become more aware of it, and even see its beauty.

March 8, 1979

So now they had to be persuaded to give up their little home and settle in a nursing home. ... The wonderful young Baha’is, with the help of us and Emeric’s brother and wife, arranged for an auction of the household effects. First, all the trunks and suitcases of fifty years of living had to be unpacked and sorted out! | was given seven large files to examine, guard the treasures and dispose of the rest. ...

They even had a dream that [Elizabeth] traveled to the Kingdom and Alice followed after. When she told her dream to Alice, Alice was delighted and promised to follow her as soon as possible, at once, if God permitted! So the beautiful process of detaching is taking place — one feels it in the room more deeply each time one visits.! [Page 208]208 THE BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING

May 17, 1979

Dearly beloved friends of South Africa,

It is so beautiful to witness within the past few weeks, the clarity, the luminous purity in Elizabeth’s eyes as she approaches the transfer from this stage of existence to the next. When visiting her, in spite of her pain, her fragile body, all sadness is wiped away by the triumph of the spirit. She is wonderfully prepared for her flight.’

April 5, 1979

| have just finished the task of going through ten albums and boxes of photos and papers, nostalgically moving at times. ... Mountains of stuff had to be thrown away. As soon as | am rested, | must go through our papers. John told us that Millie burned all her letters. And | am constantly reminded of what Dr. Susan Moody said when asked to write of her own work and experiences, “Let it all pass into eternity”. All the worth of our little doings in the Cause go into a vast pool of resources from which future generations of Baha'is may draw: the yeast, perhaps, of which Baha'u'llah writes. This | believe. Recording our little doings are of no moment usually.’

Rosemary fortunately did not succeed in discarding all her letters and papers. In the months before her death, she received this letter from author Gloria Faizi.

July 14, 1979

Thank you so much for the reference to the story about ‘Abdu’l-Baha. ... In the meantime, I wonder if you would be so kind as to send me any stories you might have among your notes. I have often thought of collecting these wonderful stories about ‘Abdu’l-Baha, but there never seems to be enough time to do all the things we want to. After reading your letter, I thought I would at least make a start by writing to one or two people to see if they will let me have stories they have heard.

My husband joins me in sending you and Mr. Sala our warm greetings. Mr. Sala’s book, “This Earth, One Country” was one of the first Baha’i books I read and I loved it. I take this opportunity to thank him for writing the book.* [Page 209]THe BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING 209

Mrs. Faizi wrote several books, including The Baha'i Faith: An Introduction, in print since 1971. She did go on to compile Stories about Abdu'l-Bahd, published by the Baha'i Publishing Trust of India.

A new mood enters Rosemary’s letters. Iran was being shaken by revolution. On September 8th, the House of the Bab in Shiraz, Iran was destroyed. A week later came the news of the murder of Hand of the Cause Enoch Olinga and his family in Kampala, Uganda.

October 17, 1979

We first learned of the Olinga family when spending a night with the McHenry’s in Albuquerque [en route back to Guadalajara] but they told us that Enoch had been saved. Only a few weeks ago at a reunion of Baha'is here we learned the awful truth. | was so shocked | was useless and speechless...°

A wave of persecution of Iranian Bah@is had begun. Rosemary received this letter from her friend Doris Ballard:

November 14, 1979

Things are going from bad to worse in Iran; thank goodness I don’t know any terrible details to relate in this awful letter full of bad news. One of the darling Persian women ... says she dreads to answer the phone for fear of bad news, more bad news.°

There is a thoughtful tone in Rosemary’s reply:

November 27, 1979

..| wonder why | unburden myself? Perhaps because life seems so transitory. One never really knows when one does something, sees someone for the last time ... | spent two and a half hours with Alice [Kidder] a few days ago. We both recited prayers Healing for Ruhiyyih Khanum, you, plus others, Removers [of Difficulty] for Iran, and the world, Departed for Enoch [Olinga] and family, and Elizabeth [Ober] ...’

One of Rosemary’s last letters was to my sister Renée in St. John’s,

Newfoundland: [Page 210]210 THE BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING

January 10, 1980

The experience living in Toronto last year must have been an enriching one, but the home life in Newfoundland goes deeper. Something like the stability of your life on the farm and my own life in Montreal. Even though we lived in a big city, our home life was quiet and warm and our long summers on Hamilton’s Island, crossing the lake in a row boat (later a motor attached), hunting for Indian artifacts on other islands, picking strawberries (wild) and wild raspberries, learning the names of wildflowers and birds have been experiences knitted or woven into me. ...

We were delighted to learn of your increasing success in your vocation [weaving]. | wish we could be nearby to visit one of your exhibitions but I'll have to wait until | can look on you from my little pink cloud some day! And how splendid that Duncan is happy and contented in his new field. Altogether, with the girls, it gives a picture of a happy family.

Much love to all of you.®

And from her last letter to me.

January 12, 1980

And at the end of life, dear Ilona, the only quality of worth remaining is how we have loved, with a sacrifice of ego to achieve a more eternal end.’

Much love dear—as always—Aunt Rosemary.’

‘The last time I saw Rosemary was that summer of 1979. Just as she and Emeric were leaving, I gave her one of those rainbow-making crystals to hang in a window. I remember a profound sadness that I could not understand, but felt comfort at giving that small gift.

January, 1980: A crackly long-distance phone call from my parents who were spending the winter in Guadalajara. Rosemary was in a coma following a stroke. Later, my father, Paul, wrote:

February 11, 1980 It is now the third week and Rosemary still holds on. The doctors can’t understand, it is so unusual. ... [Page 211]THE BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING 211

Rosemary suffered a stroke ... and affected both sides of the brain. That is why she is fully paralyzed ... Some days she can open her eyes, but can not express recognition. It is eerie and very hard to say if and how much understanding and consciousness is left.

We go daily to the nursing home and Emeric comes there too. He stays a little longer, and then we have dinner at our place.

Emeric is holding his own, in the first days the shock was great—now with time, he settles in to the inevitable and tries to adapt and accept a new phase of life.

Without the Faith and the spiritual support of it—it would be unspeakably hard ...2°

From my mother Ida:

January 28, 1980

I can assure you, Rosemary is very well prepared and her Baha’i Faith helped her. A few days before this happened, she said to us, “I am ready to leave this world at any time.”"

And Emeric’s words:

In January 1980 we made our usual winter visit to Manzanillo on the Pacific Coast, meeting our Baha'i friends, which for Rosemary was always a special joy. Returning home, on January 24th, we had our meal and went to bed tired ... That night, Rosemary suffered a massive stroke and never regained consciousness until she passed away on February 20th.”

From the Baha'is of the Montreal area gathered to elect delegates to the National Convention, flowers and a cable were sent. Nina Robarts Tinnion wrote Emeric:

February 4, 1980 Immediately after the names of the 11 delegates were announced, and the very first comment to open the consultation was Dr. Ghadirian’s loving sug[Page 212]212 THE BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING

gestion that the Convention send you a cable; followed immediately by Raymond Flournoy telling of Rosemary’s letters always containing a fragrant few petals and his suggestion that flowers accompany the cable — both these motions were immediately and wholeheartedly accepted. Eric Frost drew up the cable, Lucille Maloney ordered the flowers, and many people asked for further news..."

Rosemary died on February 20. A few days after, in a letter to friends around the world, Emeric wrote:

February 26, 1980

Rosemary often told me that when the end came she wanted it to be quick, and she also said again and again that she wanted to die before me. She also longed to be buried as a pioneer at a pioneer post. All her desires were fulfilled. ...

Rosemary had several premonitions which | ignored. One of her greatest joys these last years were the preparation of the albums for the Shrine in Montreal. While working on an album last month she said this is my last one. She also said that she was getting old and tired. She was 78. In Manzanillo she said, without context, “my Baha'i work in Mexico is coming to an end.’

After the Afghanistan invasion [by the Soviet Union] she said: “I do not want to live through another period of violence.”

It would have been soothing to Emeric to receive many letters of condolence. From them, he created a compilation, and here are a few excerpts:

What | found so incredible is that a person was dying in Mexico, the news was not broadcast over the media and yet within 2-3 days Baha’is all over the world were saying prayers for her.

The wave of love and prayers around the world for Rosemary has so much significance—they are like bouquets of flowers given to an actress after a superb performance. She has received the equivalent, widespread attention that a noted world figure might receive at their passing. But different, because the love and prayers, telegrams and phone calls welled up from peoples’ hearts... [Page 213]THE BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING 213

I have never lost a mother, and I never knew what it was like. Now I know. I have lost my defender in times of trouble, my adviser in times of hardship and my protector in times of need."

March 20, 1980

T recall one Sunday last year after a sumptuous vegetarian lunch with you and Rosemary and Paul and Ida, perhaps also Dad, that you and I were walking ahead of the others back to the cars, and we stopped and turned to watch them crossing the street towards us. The sun was glinting on Rosemary’s silver hair, and you turned to me and said: “Just look at my Rosemary. Isn’t she beautiful?” And she was!'®

Amatu’l-Baha Rihiyyih Khanum wrote this about Rosemary:

She was a remarkable woman, a very sweet one, and her devotion to the Faith was truly exemplary. It never flagged but went on year after year to the very last breath. May we all die as she did, with the good pleasure of Baha'u'llah. She was also a devoted friend and a loyal one, and I shall miss very much receiving her letters ... Rosemary will certainly go down as one of Canada’s outstanding Baha ‘is as the Canadian community emerged and grew in stature and strength.”

Rosemary died as she had wanted: suddenly, before Emeric, and at her pioneer post. In Guadalajara among Mexican graves, is a simple stone:

ROSEMARY SALA PIONERO DE LA Fe BAHAi

‘The Universal House of Justice sent this cable:

EXPRESS OUR PROFOUND SORROW _ PASSING ROSEMARY SALA DEDICATED VETERAN SERVANT BAHAULLAH PIONEER TEACHING FIELDS AFRICA AMERICAS MEMBER FIRST NATIONAL ASSEMBLY CANADA TIRELESS [Page 214]214 THE BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF DETACHING

EFFECTIVE DEVOTED BAHAI TEACHER THROUGHOUT LONG BAHAI LIFE. ASSURE PRAYERS HOLIEST SHRINES PROGRESS HER SOUL WORLDS GOD

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