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122 THE MISSION OF Bahá’u’lláh
ForaSeeker
I
I HAVE set forth as Thy pilgrim, my Lord; but there are many lands and unknown seas to travel before I approach the threshold of Thy Sacred Shrine.
At every step I am admitted into a new realm, and at the end of each day’s wayfaring I pitch my tent in a fresh El Dorado.
What earthly journey could be like this Journey! What adventure like this Adventure! What were the possession of the whole world compared with the joy of this Quest for Thee!
My longing for Thee ever increases. Wonder uplifts me. My heart leaps with exultation, and trembles in awe. This gift of Thine is beyond all my hopes and my imagining. I do not dream now of the shining domes of Thy far-distant sanctuary. I am no longer restless nor impatient. It is enough for me to seek Thee and to seek Thee, day after day.
O my God, my Beloved! Grant me at Thy hand a draught of the Wine of Immortality that I may seek Thee through this world and all Thy hidden worlds for ever and for ever.
2
LORD, I have launched out upon the vast ocean of Search in the
barque of Faith. I know that I shall never find Thee unless Thy hand direct me, and the breath of Thy mercy hear me on the way.
I am weak, and the source of strength lies not in me.
Error perpetually wells up in my soul, estranging me from Thee.
Yet, do I seek Thee for ever! Everywhere I find traces of Thee, and I cannot refrain from my seeking. Thy voice echoes in the still recesses of my heart, and my longing for Thee gives me no rest.
0 beloved One; my heart is emptied of all save Thee. Leave me not to my loneliness. Breathe Thy Holy Spirit upon me, that I may be borne far away from the world, and approach the threshold of Thy unity.
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MEDITATIONS AND DEVOTIONS I23
3
0 LORD of love, Giver of Knowledge!
The twilight of Thy dawn breaks upon my soul, and the shadows of illusion flee before the white arrows of Thy Truth.
Slowly knowlecige w1dens. Unfamiliar meanmgs gleam from familiar things. Hidden chambers of treasure open before the outstretched hand of thought. I feel like a child carried by magic into a far, strange land. Breathless with astonishment, I behold wonders leap into being everywhere in endless variety. But always the way of Truth' 13 love, the key of Truth 1s loye, and Truth’s own self 1s love.
0 MY Lord!
I have sought Thee all my life, yet I still wander in a chequered world of light and shadow. Oh, lift me at last into the pure splendour of Thy Truth beyond the reach of any darkness that I may behold Thee as Thou art, and live in Thy continual presence evermore.
5
THE darkness changes and pales, but no light breaks. Error grows intolerable, but Truth still is hidden out of sight. I rest not; but I never reach my goal.
Yet, do I not ask anything, but to journey onward and onward. My path is of Thy making, and Thou leadest me on the way. I ask 110 more, and I desire no more.
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124 THE MISSION OF Bahá’u’lláh
6
I HAVE left behind me impatience and discontent. I will chafe no more at my lot. I commit myself wholly into Thy hands, for Thou art my guide in the desert, the teacher of my ignorance, the physician of my sickness.
I am a soldier in my King’s Army; I have given up my will to Him, and my life is His to dispose of as He may please.
I know not what fate Thou designest for me, nor what work Thou hast ordained for me, nor will I enquire nor seek to know. The task of the day suffices for me, and all the future is Thine.
Little by little Thou trainest me. Little by little Thou changest weakness to strength, doubt to faith, perplexity to understanding. When I am fit to bear the burden Thou wilt lay it on my shoulders. When I am prepared to take the field Thou wilt assign me a place in Thy army of Light. Now I have no other duty than to equip myself for Thy service.
With eagerness and patience, with hope and gratitude I bend to the task of the hour lest when Thy call to battle comes I be found unready.
7
THE task is ‘hajrgl, But I know it has come from Thy hand; therefore itshall be the choice of my mind, and the delight of my heart. I will utter no word of complaint, nor admit a thought of grief. I will follow in the footprints of all those who have sought Thee for love of Thee. I will find in effort my test and my peace, and out of pain I will wring a hidden joy.
Thus, 0 Beloved, Whose sweet voice I hear calling me, and still calling me, I will draw near to Thy abode bearing Thee the only gift Thou wilt accept, the only gift I have to offer: the gift of my heart.
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MBDITATIONS AND DEVOTIONS 125
8
FOR every void there is a filling, and to every prayer there is an answer.
A11 tribulation has its ending, and to every seeking there is a finding.
For the weary, rest is waiting, and for the lonely, love.
Therefore Will I be content, and will keep a heart at peace. My faith is founded upon Truth, and I will bear witness through every trial to the goodness and mercy of God.
9
ALONE in the darkness before the dawn I repair to Thy shrine, and bow before Thy sacred threshold. In the rapture of communion with Thee, self and the world momentarily fall away. The veil of Thy Beauty is lifted, and the sweetness of Thy Mercy enfolds me . . .
On the far horizon darkness breaks and flees, and through the tracery of leafless boughs I watch the brightening sky. Day calls me hence, and I must leave Thy sanctuary for the roaring city and the busy mart. Grant me, O Lord, Thy continuing presence and protection, that when night brings me back to Thy temple I may not come to Thee in estrangement nor in shame. Vouchsafe me, all the day through, Thy help and strength. Above the babel let me hear Thy Voice. In the turmoil let Thy Peace hold possession of my heart. When I walk among the idols that once I worshipped, let me not heed them nor remember them, being enrapt with utter love of Thee.
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126 THE MISSION OF Bahá’u’lláh
10
To Thee now, 0 Beloved One, the Merciful, I bring my Weakness, my consciousness of failure—to Thee I pout out my griefs—to Thee I con fide my disappointments; and from my knees I rise leaving behind me all my burdens, freed from every sadness, strengthened by Thy strength, arrayed in faith, seeing Thy sunshine everywhere and desiring to find throughout the day opportunities of proving my gratitude to Thee for Thy abundant gifts.
II
IN the growing light of self—knowledge, O God, I stand revealed to myself, and conscience—stricken I come to Thee in horror and contrition. Till now I never recognised the baseness of my state nor suspected the depth of my guilt in Thy eyes.
Fill my heart so full of love that there shall be no room for anger; so full of hope that there shall be no room for fear; so full of radiant joy that sadness may not enter nor approach. Deprive me, O God, of all the world holds dear, and of all that men may offer unto men; bestow on me pain, penury and humiliation if by this means I may be purified of my sin, and freed 'from these anarchic passions.
Spare me not. But grant me in the end attainment to my Goal: the knowledge of Thy Truth, the blessing of Thy Love.
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MEDITATIONS AND DEVOTIONS [27
I2.
OUT of the dark depths of my being there well up continually hateful desires. The Enemy of my life has his stronghold in the dim mysterious background of my consciousness which lies beyond the reach of my will.
Horrid thoughts and impulses assail me unawares, and in weak moments. I struggle, and I Will not yield; but I cannot conquer. Legion succeeds legion, and the tumu1t is endless.
I long for Thee, O my God: for Thy Truth, Thy Glory and Thy Peace. But how can I win my goal while I lie thus open to my foes, and the Evil Principle has its seat within my heart!
In desperate need, in conscious impotence I turn to Thee. Make me anew, O Lord! Leave me not to this monster who harbours within me. Deliver me from this satanic self. Cleanse my whole being, and light within me such a flame of love as will burn darkness and its brood out of my heart for ever.
13
0 MY Lord, how can I ask to be delivered from these tests and trials that bring me so much suffering and anguish! They come from Thee, awakening me from self—delusion, and revealing my weakness. I stand before Thy Judgment Seat, uncloaked, dishonoured. Horror overwhelms me and abases me. Then at last shame stings me to life, and remorse spurs me to escape from the cause of this misery.
My Lord, I do not shun pain in Thy path. Whatever it cost me, do not permit me to delay on my journey to Thee, nor to turn aside from Thy way. Send me whatever difficulties or suffering my soul shall need to cleanse and purify it utterly of all that is false and wicked. Help me to grow in self-knowledge and wisdom, and to put into practice what I learn, till each weakness is turned into strength, and I pass into the realm of Thy might through the gates of victory. -. ,
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128 THE MISSION OF Bahá’u’lláh
I4 0 LORD!
Thy mercy is endless and Thy love cannot be compassed by gratitude or praise or knowledge. I adore Thee ever more and more; I am overwhelmed with wonder and drawn to Thee in longing and rapture. Yet, this lesser self, this narrow I with whom I am involved turns from Thee again and again and breaks away, flouting Thy law in open rebellion. Ashamed and in utter misery I turn back. I do not dare to approach Thee, but kneel far away in a wretched place, an alien. I cannot understand why I fall away from what I truly desire; and I despair of myself. The desolation of loneliness overwhelms me.
But Thou dost not despair of me. Thy forgiveness descends and touches me ere I raise my eyes to look towards Thee. Thy mercy enlightens me. Thy love pours warm hope again into my heart, and Thou leadest me back to walk in the courts of Thy Spiritual Palace.
Yet, of my own strength I cannot make myself an abiding place close to Thee. There lingers in me the foreboding that again I shall stumble and fall away from the sweetness of this communion with Thy love.
0 compassionate almighty God, I commit myself in utter humility to Thy boundless mercy, begging Thee to save me (I know not how) from this Horror, and to vouchsafe me that Which is my true, my only desire—to attain to Thy Presence, to know and to obey Thy Truth.
